a funny post from back in the day , i think it was pavel
The global public in uproar at shocking allegation by Mazel Tov Times, well known supersatr dj and killaaargh music production legend, Skazi, is the Chosen One. Top rabbis and pharisees have been locked in emergency talks for past 48 hour to discuss possible outcome of recent development. Leading government officials are to decide the fate of Skazi in parliamentary vote tomorrow, on basis of the report from rabbinical inquest, and expected to hand over him for tribuneral at Hague or perhaps UN.
Eyewitness give the conflicting reports, sighting of the mysterious guru snorting the coke and doing live brutal remix of Kylie, at numerous gay bar around the country.
Experts point to the distinctive similarity between Skazi and the last instance of alleged Messiah. In exlusive interview with Times, Prof. Satisfaction from the Metallica Institute for Comparative Religion, say "both Skazi and the Jesus are Jewish guru, specializing in the esoteric Quabbalah. Little is known about what Skazi doing between age of 12 and 30, but we think he train with secretive bass-sect in nearby Sinai mountain - honing the production skills and advanced training on the technics SL1200, with wanted bass terrorist Beat-o-Fobia. Besides", claims Prof. Satisfaction, "both Jesus and the Skazi has long hair and enjoy popular support among crowds of debased shitfucks. Jesus was pulling like 5000 people per sermon, and Skazi is already past that number, especially at the larger, commercial festivals. The danger of these kinds of leaders turning crowds of unsuspecting groovers into psychotic fanatics cannot be underestimated as a threat to our national security".
The Secretary of the State, Mr. I. M. Sellout, expressed his concerns yesterday in address to the nation, live on MTV channel. "We have volatile situation in our hands. Our collective consciousness as whole is not ready to move on from the proggy groove to the nirvana of killaaaargh bass-torture and annihilating riffs. If the Skazi music be released on any more compilations, we could face epidemic no longer curable with even strongest progressive releases". He also noted that "Jesus didn't dance, but his beat goes on. The problem we face is that Skazi can bust killaaargh moves on unsuspecting floor at any time, so we redoubling security at clubs around the country. Just think of the future generations for the next 2000 years".
There has been also unconfirmed reports that inbetween writing tracks for new album, Skazi has been conferred 33rd degree of Scottish Rite Freemasonry, is now in possession of Philosophers Stone and have acquired the mastery of Enochian Magik. One of our covert sources, working from the inside of Skazi fan cult, alleges the guru is mustering powers of Choronzon for final showdown, to bringing the killaaaargh bassline and democracy to Skazi loving people everywhere. Leading trance expertologist, Mr. Neo-Fullon, who have been following the Skazi for some years, is more skeptical about such claim. "We have the evidence that Skazi can demolish dancefloor and substantial part of trance scene - but whether he can cause Armaggedon, we wait and see".
Meanwhile, Skazi zealots are gathering for crystal-meth fuellued vigil outside public offices and buildings, shouting anti-progressive slogans and threatening to revolt if demands for early promo copies of latest Skazi with Celine Dion collaboration are not met. "We just need killaaaargh remixes of cutting edge, undergroud vocalists", shouts one angry protester. "It is government conspiracy", claims a speed-fucked youth in his 20's, "now everyone see Skazi is Messiah, the CIA try sabotage release of latest record." Numerous others chime in, shouting "down with Judas".
The CIA denies any involvement, citing that bugging the Skazi studio was hard enough, with officers either resigning or go insane by listening to the tapes.
The world watches with trepidation tonight as the unfolding Skazi saga may claim many decent acts and young fans yet. Many countries have upgraded their killaaaargh bassline alert to red, with citizens expected to carry earplug at all times in case of surprise bass onslaught by the Skazi forces. Diplomatic efforts by religious and secular groups alike are being intensified to avoid confrontation, hoping to settle compromise on some watered down version of full on.
smells like humus spirit