Do you suffer from any mental illness?

[desysko]

Well glad someone had a good read. And ya it's great that trance and music in general helped me a lot.

[ptn]

Your example shows how the whole 'butterfly effect' shouldn't be neglected. I wonder if there's some parallel universe where You used the right locker and how's things with this million dollar contract You've just signed yesterday .

[desysko]

Your example shows how the whole 'butterfly effect' shouldn't be neglected. I wonder if there's some parallel universe where You used the right locker and how's things with this million dollar contract You've just signed yesterday .

 

Hahaha, a million dollar contract. But as strange as it sounds, I'm sort of glad (or maybe a better word would be accepted?) that I went through all of that. While it did affect my life obviously, it helped me discover my passion for music, helped me mature, develop a stronger mind, and I learned to be more caring.

[desysko]

Maybe love is the answer (?)

 

 

I was reminded of this when I read that, haha.

[Reznik]

Ten years of paranoid hallucinatoric schizophrenia. Although i wouldn´t say i suffer. It´s the wrong word in general.

[Panoptes]

I actually grew up with what my doctor(s) called "Aspergers" (a ridiculous mental syndrome that doesnt exist anymore) but they were all morons. I definitely had a bit of ADHD mixed with some depression, but I have stopped putting a label on myself and just live with who I am. I stopped taking medication two years ago, and after a process, I feel fine. The medical department really screws up peoples lives... sometimes I think they do more than they SAVE lives. Being a pharmacist is mostly a joke now a days. I tried suicide because, hormones I guess. All in all, I found my passions and grew up. I just had to learn to love myself, yah know?

Cool, I wasn't aware of this. I thought one of my good friends has aspergers. What is it called now? Neurodevelopmental disorder, Autism spectrum disorder, or does it not exist at all? I have many friends who have been really fucked up after taking ADHD meds for years. Its very saddening that doctors and parents are pressured into giving their kids meds.

[Blair Thaumic]

I largely agree with Thomas Szasz's view on mental illness, though not entirely... it's reductionism taken a bit too far, IMHO. But it's true that, as a society, we call a lot of social and emotional problems illnesses when they aren't necessarily illnesses at all.

 

As a young child I had a lot of problems in public school, which could have been diagnosed as any number of things if I had stayed in school... ADHD, Aspergers, social anxiety disorder, ect. But I was homeschooled instead, and I lived happily without treatment. I'm not saying that homeschooling is a panaceae, or that real brain disorders don't exist. But outside of a particular social, cultural, and historical context, I wasn't ill. And I think that's true of a lot of people who are called mentally ill.

[desysko]

I largely agree with Thomas Szasz's view on mental illness, though not entirely... it's reductionism taken a bit too far, IMHO. But it's true that, as a society, we call a lot of social and emotional problems illnesses when they aren't necessarily illnesses at all.

 

As a young child I had a lot of problems in public school, which could have been diagnosed as any number of things if I had stayed in school... ADHD, Aspergers, social anxiety disorder, ect. But I was homeschooled instead, and I lived happily without treatment. I'm not saying that homeschooling is a panaceae, or that real brain disorders don't exist. But outside of a particular social, cultural, and historical context, I wasn't ill. And I think that's true of a lot of people who are called mentally ill.

How was homeschooling? When I was younger, I wanted my parents to have do homeschooling because I felt public schooling to be lacking (which it was to some degree). Sadly I didn't get to, but I did teach myself a bunch of stuff and read a good amount of stuff that were helpful.

[Reznik]

F 20.0 is cool

[Blair Thaumic]

How was homeschooling? When I was younger, I wanted my parents to have do homeschooling because I felt public schooling to be lacking (which it was to some degree). Sadly I didn't get to, but I did teach myself a bunch of stuff and read a good amount of stuff that were helpful.

 

I was an advanced kid in some ways... I started to read at age four. So I got books out of the library, or my parents gave me books, and I studied by myself a lot of the time. I did have math lessons -- long division, geometry, algebra, some trigonometry -- and my parents would drive us out of the city sometimes, so I could hike and get some experience of nature. Also they enrolled me in some after school programs, like arts & crafts. But I had a mostly unstructured education, with lots of reading and outdoor play. I didn't learn everything that I might have at public school, and I was definitely sheltered in some ways, but I don't think of it as a bad thing, just a different perspective.

 

I'm still a non-traditional student. I spent my late teens and early twenties in various alternative subcultures (like goa), pursuing my obsessions while occasionally working part time or taking an adult ed class. At twenty-six I enrolled in a community college, and spent three years there taking all sorts of classes while getting into clubs, school politics and social life; that was my belated high school experience. Now I'm a junior, soon to be senior, at a top 20 university.

 

I had a nervous breakdown at the end of my junior year and dropped out of college. I'm applying for readmission this year, and I'll be starting class again in the Fall; by next summer, I'll earn my Bachelors. After graduating I want to teach EFL for a few years, and maybe go on to earn an MA in education.

 

Anyway, I can't speak for every homeschooler, but I had a very positive experience. The one thing I wish I'd had was more preparation for the academic stress of college and, in particular, university... if I ever have children I would probably homeschool them, but I'd look into online education to supplement that.

[Balance]

Yeah quite bad anxiety with OCD. Causes severe panic attacks & depression. Luckily I have a very understanding wife & also just finally found a psychologist who is really helping me sort out things. Electronic music especially Goa/Psy & Steve Roach's works help distract me from the inner turmoil & give me a sense of calm. Regular exercise & also learning to produce via Tom Cosm's DVDs is also helping me.

 

It wasn't so bad until our old apartment suddenly became infested with cockroaches a year ago & this just sent what was a minor anxiety in to catastrophic realms that I've never recovered from. Even in our new house I'm compulsively checking for bugs in the kitchen & even general bugs freak me out like they never used to. In reality it's linked to bad problems during my teenage years & LSD usage in my twenties.

 

Hopefully this therapy can help unravel the tangle & teach me to mange better

[Goa Travellers]

Funny to stumble upon my own thread...

I was diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD in May

[Rotwang]

Funny to stumble upon my own thread...

I was diagnosed with Asperger's and ADHD in May

May I ask how old you are?

[Cynos]

I was diagnosed with a hint of Asperger's too.

[Goa Travellers]

I'm 36.

[Rotwang]

Thanks.

 

How did the diagnoses come about?

[Paul Eye]

I kinda wish I would be diagnosed with some mental illness or condition, if only to have at least something to blame this shit on.

[Goa Travellers]

Paul: Could you elaborate ? (e.g. anxiety, etc.)
Best of luck.

[Starkraver]

I know there's nothing wrong with me. I think. Just lucky to be born in a broken home. You know the shit that comes with it right? Lol. Very lucky indeed. But I just can't move on. Severe lack of courage and dedication. I don't know if it's a mental disorder or not. It does get overwhelming and thoughts about putting an end to this shit does occur, life's too precious to just die for others mistakes.

 

@Paul - Take care dude. Happiness and good health to you my friend

[Paul Eye]

Paul: Could you elaborate ? (e.g. anxiety, etc.)

Best of luck.

A general lack of giving a fuck about anything. Depression maybe, tried to talk to some psychiatrists a few years ago. Bunch of incompetent pricks if you ask me.

I'd like to start doing a bunch of things but I know it'll fuck up eventually anyway so why bother.

Feeling left out if I'm in the company of more than 1 person. I just dislike trying to pretend to be social in a bigger group of people. Psytrance parties are mostly OK as I don't need to be social and talk to people if I don't want to (most of the time) and if I have a chat with someone at a party it's preferably with someone.

Been mostly alone since forever. And don't tell me I need friends or a girlfriend or something. Tried that, doesn't help shit. I do have some people (3 to be exact, all female) who I do feel mostly comfortable being around, but TBH it doesn't help much either, and when (if) it does it's temporary.

And I'm impossibly pedantic, perfectionistic and somewhat insecure in general. Maybe just a personality trait. Seems like I've always been the slightly weird kid who gets bulllied, ridiculed and shunned whatever I do and wherever I go.

And if you ask me do I feel like being 34, no. Barely out of my teens it seems most of the time.

 

And so forth.

 

 

(and seems like I actually did press the "post" button this time (after some careful consideration) instead of just going "why bother, nobody gives a fuck" and deleting the text)

[Paul Eye]

And the one thing I very much dislike about talking to people is that I hate "surprises" so to say, I mean I seriously don't often know how to respond/react to things they say, not at least on the spot. Unless it's something familiar or what I can easily relate to I just end up giving some generic mumbo-jumbo answer (or most probably nothing at all) that means exactly nothing. Proper(ly deep) conversations with people seem almost impossible since it seems that whatever information I receive takes all too long to process. I might come up with what I should have said as a response to something from anything ranging from a few days later to maybe a month later. A bit too late if you've already fucked up something by not having anything to say on the spot so shit just gets left hanging becuase I can't deal with it. And it often seems like I forget what I've even talked about with someone (not always though, seems like the harder it is for me to process the easier it gets lost somewhere, I'm however not exactly sure TBH).

Maybe this seems to some people that I'm completely ignoring what they're saying while all I'm trying to do is processing the information and failing.

 

Or something.

[Goa Travellers]

Paul, it's actually interesting to know. From your description, I almost found I was reading myself... I think you have a number of traits of personality related to Asperger's, e.g:

• Abhorring surprises, unexpected situations
• Being socially awkward, i.e. not knowing how to behave, what to respond, what topics to discuss, disliking small talk, etc.
• Not being able to follow a discussion because people speak too fast (especially hard processing the information is usual among ADHD folks and Aspergers)
• Boredom because you expect things you may endeavor will not succeed, insecure
• Sadness
• Pedantic
• Perfectionist, focused on details
• Left aside at school / bullied / shunned
• Sensation of being a teenager / not ageing
• Hard time making/keeping friends
• Hard time living with another person
• Specific hobbies often related to science and music
• Etc.

Yes, psychiatrists are of no help for this kind of profile (none of the almost ten psychiatrists were able to help me, pure waste of time and money), because cognitive therapies are for people who changed over time. In this case, the person was born like this, and can't change. For me, what rang the bell a few years ago was the Aspie Quiz that I took and I scored very high. I think you do too. I had a whole different idea of what Asperger's was, I thought these were the kids who are able to find the 1,000th decimal of pi in 1 sec. or count the number of matches that fell on the floor instantly. This is very caricatural.

[Paul Eye]

Well that would explain at least something.

Still, if I do get an official diagnose (not that I really know how to go about it anyway), what then? I go tell people about it and they go "oh, that's your excuse for everything" and the shit continues.

If I was born like this and there's really nothing that can be done about it, well, maybe that's a comfort of some kind. Not that it'd make life any better.

And I want away from this apartment. I hate having neighbours. I want to be able to blast music in the middle of the night without worrying about disturbing someone. Been planning on moving to some small house to turn into a fucking hermit or something. Maybe try to get some music done for the first time in almost 15 years but I doubt that would go anywhere.

[Goa Travellers]

Hum...Neighbors is a recurring problem discussed on Asperger's forums, usually not really because it prevents you from making noise, but because they make noise (Asperger's are usually oversensitive, especially to noise). I hear you on that, though...I'm also surrounded by neighbors in my apartment and have wanted to move for years now. I'd love to live in the countryside. No neighbors at last

You could also be gifted and "too different" from the standard in society, but you have a number of Asperger's characteristics. You could be both. I was diagnosed at an Autism Resource Center, a government-sponsored organization in my country. Most of my friends, family and coworkers are not in the know, that would be counterproductive. On the diagnosis, it helped me in several ways. At work, I asked my boss to be in a quiet room, without people coming by. I wasn't really aware of all my difficulties, to be honest, and discussing with people like me opened my eyes. I just thought that others were just more hard workers, also had a hard time but that they got away with it. Not true. Talking with other aspies gives many ideas to circumvent the daily difficulties, e.g. to recover a normal sleeping routine, to lower anxiety, to stay away from annoyances, to deal with paperwork, to find a course/job that is suitable to our condition. Also, there are governmental institutions that can help in some specific points, e.g. someone who is looking for a job can claim he has this condition, and the recruiter is granted a bonus, etc. It seems we are extraterrestrials on the wrong planet, but there are ways to improve our condition, to limit our interaction with the crowd, and to plan our week to limit the damage. Good luck, Paul

[Paul Eye]

Hum...Neighbors is a recurring problem discussed on Asperger's forums, usually not really because it prevents you from making noise, but because they make noise (Asperger's are usually oversensitive, especially to noise).

Well it goes both ways. I don't want to be disturbed and I don't want to disturb either. And yes, I'm sensitive to noise*. That's one of the main reasons I've detested living in an apartment ever since I moved away from home and one of the main reasons why I can't get any music done even if I try (not that I'm that convinced that moving to the countryside would actually help with the music in any way).

Anyway, thanks for the info and help. I'll let this sink in for a while (whatever that may mean). Maybe I'll do something about it, maybe I won't, but don't hold your breath. Doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate the help though.

 

 

 

 

*and that's what darkpsy/hitech etc is mostly to me, just a jumbled mess of irritating noise