Ten DO NOT Rules of Psy-Trance Production Introducing the new list of Ten DO NOT Rules of Psy-Trance Production. Offenders will be forced to attend a trance party in the desert w/o water, an IV drip of L.S.D. in their arm, while stomping Israeli trance pounds 24/7 for one month, no sleep allowed. Yes, we know there are quite a few folks to whom that would be a dream come true... 1. Anyone using samples from Terrence McKenna, Jim Morrison, or Hunter Thompson in any track will be shot and killed immediately. Sample your grandmother or someone interesting and more importantly, new! 2. Drop that same stupid unchanging 4/4 kick w/rolling bass line. If you can't write a sequence where the bass line does a little riff here or there, or drop or double-up one of the kicks every now and then, then may you suffer death by the Chinese Water Torture. 3. No more samples about acid/L.S.D. There's a lot of fucking drugs out there. Pick any other one! At least Ticon managed to write a track about drinking on their latest. Offenders get 1 full gram of pure liquid poured in their eyes with a power-squirter. 4. If the only effects used on your album/CD are reverb and the ping-pong delay, please quit now. There are about a zillion plugin effects out there. Reverb/pong have their place, but try something new for a change. If you can't, then you should have your head removed and a real game of Ping Pong played with it. 5. Learn the idea of "dynamics" in music. The ambient intro, straight full-on tracks with one or maybe two breakdowns, then ambient fadeout formula is old, dead, and crumbled to dust. Suggestion: start it full-on, have it break down to a two minute ambient section in the middle, and finish full-on again. Learn from the prog. and epic trance folks and try doing some buildups, learn to add a little tension to the music, try to make it unpredictable. If you can't, then may you get a desk job at a very conservative bank where you are forced to wear a suit and add numbers by hand 12 hours a day for the rest of your life. 6. Stop using filters for breakdowns. Great, so your track just keeps repeating itself every four bars, and then you turn up a band-pass filter and squeeze it down until you stop the music. Wow. So very original... not. Try anything else for a break - scramble the music, have four bars in reverse, anything else, please! Those who keep doing this crap will be squeezed to death between a rock and hard place. 7. Try writing an album that flows from beginning to end, rather than sounding like a collection of tracks on a comp. It seems like most psy-trance producers just lay down the tracks as they write them. Listen to Son Kite's "Colours" and Jaia's "Fiction" if you want to hear what a real "album" sounds like. Remember when you used to put in a CD and it wasn't the same if you couldn't listen to the whole thing, beginning to end, or even leave it on repeat? Pull out "Dark Side of the Moon" if you don't. Those who don't get this deserve to listen to nothing else than the worst goa comp. ever on endless repeat for a year. 8. Just forget the "trance gating" or at least use it on something other than analog synth melody lines and vocals. Simon Posford & Co. have done it to death. If you must, try running something different through it rather than the same old two standards. If you can't come up with an alternative, then may you be cut into pieces lengthwise and every other one of them thrown in the river. 9. Get a fucling sense of humour! When the hell did goa stop being fun? It's just music, for christ's sake! It's supposed to be fun and enjoyable. This whole ultra-serious, lifestyle / scene crap has to go. Bring back the funk and the fun, please. Y'all are starting to look and act as pathetic and tired as the Goths. No punishment needed, nothing's worse than being a bunch of psy-Goths. 10. Last but not least, see rule #9. While this list is trying to make some serious points about how completely dull and boring and formulaic goa/psy-trance has gotten, it's also meant to get a larf. If you didn't smile at least once while reading this, please go see a doctor and ask to have your funny bone replaced or installed. Again, no punishment necessary, it's sad if people can't find humour in trying to take the piss out of things while making a point. BONUS: OK, this isn't about production, but to all you goa/psy-trance DJs out there (many of whom are producers) - get off the friggin' big stage, put yourself off in a corner where you can see the crowd, and learn to spin music that makes people dance and party and have fun, and stop thinking you're a bunch of rock stars because you've practised your set for two months straight and it's perfect. The nice thing about goa/psy-trance in the early years was the lack of ego amongst producers and DJ's alike. The former is still mostly true, but the latter isn't, and this kind of music is never, ever going to make a Paul Oakenfold out of anyone; nor should anyone who enjoys it want to become an arsehole like him anyway. Who cares if you train wreck - write and play tracks that move people's bodies *and* minds.