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Do you suffer from any mental illness?

Goa Travellers


47 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you suffer from any mental illness?

    • No
    • Yes - Depression
    • Yes - Phobia (all type)
    • Yes - Chronic anxiety (all type)
    • Yes - Obsessive compulsive disorder
    • Yes - Schyzophrenia (all type)
    • Yes - Addiction(s)
    • Yes - Chronic hallucinations
    • Yes - Attention deficit disorder / hyperactivity
    • Yes - Cognitive / memory impairment
    • Yes - Autism
    • Yes - Bipolarity
    • Yes - Other(s)

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(not that I'm that convinced that moving to the countryside would actually help with the music in any way)

It may help, as your overall condition would improve.


Anyway, thanks for the info and help. Doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate the help though.

No problem, feel free to discuss when you wish ;)


*and that's what darkpsy/hitech etc is mostly to me, just a jumbled mess of irritating noise :P

Couldn't agree more! I prefer nice melodies and arpeggios commonly found in goa trance :)

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paul, youre not alone thats for sure.

youre just human, open minded, and without filter.

possibly triggered by taking LSD in your teens?

smoking cannabis? psychedelics can really mess up the neural pathways and while under the influence of say LSD - things get really un-done in the brain on a biological level - and when LSD is supposed to wear off after about 12-24h - some nerual pathways are left un-done and wont go back to their original and "meant to be" state.

This can cause myriad of syndromes.

Panic Disorder, HPPD, Antisocial behaviour, severe anxiety, and more.

Depersonalization and Derelaization are common symtoms that wont go away.


I dunno. Maybe im just projecting.


but your 'story' is very familiar to me, we are the same age, and i dunno, I just felt we had something big in common but I can be entirely wrong.


my 'solution' for the past 15 years or so has pretty much been



which coincidently is my new favorite song ever. until the next one comes along.

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Do you mean that you find external sounds annoying in general, or that you find particular sounds painful?

I might have some sort of Asperger traits, too. Never diagnosed by a professional but knowing myself by this age + info through my former medical education + info through internet has provided me the amount of knowledge that I diagnosed Asperger traits myself for myself. This hyperacusis quoted is one of the main things. I have hard time to stand especially wrong music..actually I go bees, like bees flying inside of me. Or with family I can completely flip if my relatives even TALK about "wrong" music (Pavlov's dog reaction). I feel like throwing up + the bees. Have you seen me often giving negative feedback to a release? Nope. Because I cannot listen to a wrong release from the start. One reason for my excessive hyping is that good sound really takes me to a trip to the extent I suppose few experience. With Asperger traits it is not only hyperacusis but I won't go further here. Overall I don't consider my "traits" as a sickness; for me it is a deviation from "normal" and actually have had more positive effects in my life than negative, e.g. a good detailed memory + almost dangerous optimism (I see the world only a chance + throw myself into situations just like that). I casted a vote on this thread to be autist, though..funny, partly true.

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just so yall know (intelligent rant incoming, prepare for wall of text.)



like 60% of the symtoms of both ADHD and Aspergers - are completely normal human emotions/reactions.

Please do not under estimate (rather; over estimate) yourselves, and do not consider yourself sick and put a label on it, like most cases regarding ADHD and Aspergers.


Of course there are alot of people that do suffer from those diagnoses, i said 40%, which is alot - but it also means one hell of alot of kids especially, are given serious drugs which are close to the effect of Amphetamine -which do not need it and might suffer brain damage which will cause terrible symtoms as adults.


I know most of you are intelligent beeings and already know this, but it doesnt hurt to say it whenever possible.



Just because you have symtoms that of especially ADHD - does NOT mean you are sick at all.

It could be such easy things as not enough excercise. Wrong diet. Wrong people in your life. Literally too many things to list.

And our brains will not tell us what the problem is - if it did - psychiatry wouldnt exist.

We would just heal ourselves directly when we face a problem.

Oh - I cant eat this food. Damn I gotta excercise more.

Just to name two examples.

And, if you listen to your subconscious - which is very possible to do - you will get the answers you need - you just have to find them, and hear them.

First thing that happens - when you DO see what your problem really is - the brain will instantly go into defensive mode, and will do its best to play it off as "im just having a bad day" .. or "didnt sleep well last night".

Those things might be true, but the underlying cause is something else, and the brain for some strange fucking reason, will do everything in its power to NOT let you know.


I know this both empirically and by reading books, alot of them. Im not just "that wiki guy who thinks he knows psychiatry".

Im no doctor, but Ive suffered mentally for 15 years while retaining my Self and who I am; as an observer.


Hence; I have never had psychosis or anything like that, because when you do, ones Self eludes and cannot be trusted anymore, which is why Schizcophrenia is of course the worst possible condition known to mankind, imo.

Worse than any other illness like Cancer or even Sudden Death. Like stroke, heart attack, etc. If you recover thats great!

If you dont at least you wont suffer.


That might be morbid as fuck, but that is what i genuinely believe.

Call me a cynic if you want, I am one.


But mental illness, REAL mental illness, is not having a few symtoms and thinking you are sick.

Thats not it at all. Thats just a human being beeing a human being. Sorry wordplay not intended.


My point is, too many kids are diagnosed with ADHD, when ADHD is infact, sorry to say, in most cases, a bogus diagnoses.

Its just , and now it gets a bit conspirical but unfortunately true, so that doctors can push these drugs and make shitloads of money from endorsements by Major pharma.


I dont intend to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but this is proven without a doubt, and the best form to learn about it is to watch a couple of credible documentaries. Should you be interested in one such documentary, that deals with fraud and bogus diagnoses within Psychiatry and the mulitbillion dollar industry that is Big Pharma - just ask.. Ive probably read 10 books on Psychiatry, all the classics and some a bit wierd, and id say over 100 documentaries dealing with humanity overall, so personally I consider myself knowledgable on this subject.

Both empirically as I said, due to my mental illness that has been active for about 15 years, but also serious studying on the subject.

The only reason I started to study was of course after the 7th visit to the psychward's emergencyroom with acute panic attacks, and not been given any help because I'd been drinking just to not kill myself - they shunned me completely and I was lucky just to get an SSRI prescribed.


So my personal experience with psychiatry might be biased towards the negative side - but thats not entirely true, because I can understand that no doctor in the world can tell the difference from a real symtom - or a symtom caused by alcohol abuse.


But in sweden, we are just being shunned and forced to leave the emergency room. If we refuse and cry for example, which i did on my 7th attempt at seeking help, they had to call security, and basically kick me out the building and threatened to call the police if i didnt go home and sober up, and they welcomed me back tomorrow while sober.


While I understand them and their policy - a person in that condition which I was in; should be taken care of. They shouldve forced me to stay - not forced me out.

They shouldve fucking cuffed me to a hospital bed, give me vitamins, give me some Diazepam to sleep, sober up, then deal with me.


Anyone with a little tiny bit of sense realise this. But yet Swedish psychiatric care, especially in larger cities (larger by our scale anyway) do not take patients seriously, they do not believe them, they underdiagnose, they underestimate - and guess what happens.. Suicide.

I dont know how many people who commit suicide just hours after seeking help.

But its too many. Its probably 50 people every year or more, in Sweden, that kill themselves after being shunned by the psych-emergencyward.


I got off on a rail there,

but please dont believe everything your doctor tells you, for one simple reason. He or She is NOT inside your head and do NOT know exactly what it is you are feeling.

Even if you bring out the books they have to read in order to become doctors in psychiatry, point to the symtoms in the book - theyll most likely just think you are a "know-it-all" and a "googler" which of course is extremely offending.


What is the difference if you learn truth from youtube, wiki, documentaries, books, - or by a teacher?

Its the same god damn truth aint it.


That said - if you are young, you should probably trust the doctor and do what he or she says,

but the worst thing is when you are a kid and the doctor barely see the kid, and just goes by mum and dad "he is soo overactive" .. "we cant get him to sleep" .. "we dont know what to do"


Guys, it has ALWAYS been like this.

60s kids turned out fine! FFS we have them to thank for learning about love and peace.

70s kinds turned out fine!

80s kids turned out.. well, I know alot of sick people that were born in the 80s tbh.

dunno what happened in the 80s.

90s kids are fine! They are more active and more "lets go!" than my generation which is more laid back, but thats just great!

00s kids are fine! They are more mature than we were, heck , i see 15 year old kids now, acting like we did when we were in our twenties.

They have Internet integrated in their system since birth, hence early knowledge and earlier maturity,

10s kids is gonna be fucked up tho,

cus they grow up in a world thats full of deciet, lies, and general anxiety and fear. This is of course orchestrated by the Elite, who want a more frightened and easily manipulated population.

And they'll probably get it too.


I can totally imagine sitting in an elderly home somewhere in my 60s (i dont plan on living longer than 60-70) or in a house in the woods with just me and my music; whatever it might be - and by then Ill be a total selfish, cynical - dont give a fuck type of person, while all the kids and young adults suffer and have horrible lives all around me.



I can already feel it happen.

But its not too late, we just gotta realise that we the people , have all the power we need to change the world into a world that we will thrive in, not suffer in.


its pretty basic. If the world around you is fucked, either you become extremely tough and coldhearted and probably a warrior, hopefully with good intentions - or a passive nobody just doing what people tell you... and i suspect the intl. suicide rate will go up exponentially by the year 2020 and beyond.


Or it wont. who knows.





All im saying is ,dont overdiagnose yourselves, and dont let any doctor do it either.

Remember that most cases, ADHD is a BS diagnoses, and you are perfectly normal.


Aspbergers is not something you "think" you have either. Its one of those things you either have, or dont have.




Now im going to tell you a story about Schizhophrenia, its a familiar story to those who know about the illness first hand, but also its pretty much a textbook example.

Just like a psychosis. You cant say or talk to someone while in a psychosis and say "damn. I wish I wasnt psychotic and having these hallucinations right now... its really fucking bumming me out". That is impossible. Why? Because the person cannot diffirentiate their hallucinations with the real world.

This is why psychosis is so sad, and Ive seen it in my childhod friend, how it started, how it developed, and how it blew up in a fullon Schizhophrenia.

In the beginning, he treated is psychosis with proper meds, he gained ALOT of weight from being a skeleton to looking a bit too healthy - but he was okay mentally.

He was present, you could really see that he wasnt having any wierd thoughts or hallucinations.


He seemed normal and I hung out alot with him during those two years he was on his meds.

We talked alot about his sickness, I asked questions like, "what does it feel like" and stuff like that, because I was curious and I wanted to hear his own words explin it, so i could trust that he was sane.

I was always a bit un-easy around him but he was my friend and i spent alot of time with him and it was special both for me, for him, and even his parents talked to me in private, saying that they appreciate me hanging with thier son, keeping him company. I was surprised and just said "of course he is my friend" at the time, but of course later i realised, that they really ment it because whenever he didnt take his meds.

All hell broke lose.


Inside his head, and his family suffered alot. His younger brother was FORCED to move out, because of the terror his brother, my friend, put him through when he was off his meds.

When I say terror I dont mean any physical harm or nothing, but constant conversations about stuff that dont exist - other than inside the head of his brother.


Just imagine having a brother live in a room 2 meters across the hallway, that is full blown psychotic. You are always on your guard and you cannot relax, and he just had to move out.

This was a tough blow for my friend because his little brother was the only person in the world he could trust while being psychotic.

Hi didnt trust his parents, he was sure they were "in on it".

So. The parents had to call the police that I know of, at least 3 times - to come and collect him, put him in the closed psychward, and force him to take his meds.


Literally hours after meds kicked in, he was like "wtf am i doing in the hospital, what even happened??" - just imagine that feeling for a moment.

After a while, talking to a nurse, he understood that he had developed schizhophrenia and became depressed.


I saw him once after that, he was off his meds, and I said to him, I shouted even " TAKE YOUR MEDS, PLEASE!!! YOU ARE SICK!! PLEASE!!!" but it was lost in the wind.

He didnt hear me. "I was with them".


Since its not against the law to NOT take your meds if you are not causing harm to anyone, unfortunately, the story ends here, with my friend, the psychotic, which will not take his meds because he doesnt realise he is sick.


He had been off hids meds once before he got the diagnoses, first it was labeled as "post-acute drug induced psychosis" i think, because he had beeen smoking hasch - and was put on antipsychotics, and he responded very well to the medication - everyone was happy about that, and the story couldve ended there instead, but like i said, i was with him that day, when he didnt take his meds, and the psychosis returned like clockwork, but it wasnt so severe that I could in fact ask him "bro did you take your meds today?" and the look in his eyes was black, his skin was white, and he was in coldsweat, looking like a walking panic-attack.

This is a very uneasy thing to be around because it rubs off on you, making you question your own sanity.

So I felt really bad that day told him, "if you dont take your meds I cant be your friend..."


and he did actually go and take his meds, took a shower, came back down, had his good ol face back, told me, "omg, im sorry, did i do or say anything wierd today??" i was like, well it was okay but please dont forget to ever take your meds, those are vital, without them you are not yourself and you feel really bad. And he looked like it really sank in.

And he felt relieved.

Sat on his bed and just took a few breaths. I was comforting him by saying its okay, just take ur meds, its gonna be allright.

And that was that, everything was okay. Then I left to go live abroad for a year

when I came home

I was told he had been diagnosed schizho, wouldnt take his meds, and there was no way to force him to do so since he wasnt violent anymore.

He didnt have "psychotic breaks" but was psychotic all the time basically.

So there was no way I could see him, He was locked in his room with the shades down, for years and years.


This was , oh, 6 years ago maybe, and as far as i know, he is still in his childhood house, his room, locked in and living entirely in his own world.

Such an extremely sad case to witness, I knew him since we were 6 years old.

We were friends for more than 15 years.

So I witnessed up close the transformation from a little odd, but basically just a kid, to being more and more wierd, and then psychotic, and then the diagnose.

And all he needs is his meds, and I know he is fine.


Just that he wont take them. He will not eat the food his parents cook in fear of them putting the meds in the food - so he continously calls his brother, almost 2-3 times a day, asking him to buy food for him. I feel so sorry for his brother too, since he is the most normal person in the family.

He didnt deserve the burden of having a brother like that. Noone does.

But thats life.

Im sure he is just happy he isnt sick like his brother.

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@astralprojection: Deep enough knowledge to cast a vote on this type of poll (me and Asperger) ;) Btw..glad to see you back after a break :)

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paul, youre not alone thats for sure.

In the "not the only one with this shit" sense, sure. In all other, no.


youre just human, open minded, and without filter.

Yes, no, no.


possibly triggered by taking LSD in your teens?

I Was 29 when I tried it the first time. I've had some good times with it but the bad outweigh the good. I can count my trips with the fingers of my 2 hands.


smoking cannabis?

Nope. Never been a habit. Like acid, had some few good times with it but the bad outweigh the good by far. It makes me feel like shit so what's the point?


I dunno. Maybe im just projecting.


but your 'story' is very familiar to me, we are the same age, and i dunno, I just felt we had something big in common but I can be entirely wrong.

No offense meant but I think you're wrong here.


my 'solution' for the past 15 years or so has pretty much been



which coincidently is my new favorite song ever. until the next one comes along.

I've never understood people who turn to drugs/alcohol abuse and all that shit when life kicks them in the face. I just don't understand the logic behind "oh hey my life is shit why not make it even more shit while we're at it".

And that song and video just pissed me off. No offense meant again.

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  • 5 weeks later...

I have a touch of OCD which really comes out when I'm mixing music. The mix must be perfect else I'm annoyed. The (light) OCD also comes to personal hygiene, and keeping an orderly environment.


I am also a borderline schizoid, which isn't as bad as it sounds. I'm just detached from a lot of minutia and view everything a bit more coldly than most people.

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  • 2 months later...

I have mild dyslexia. When im reading i tend to jumble up words. Not while talking or writing though. Its extremely annoying because i know exactly when ive read wrong. It drives me crazy because i like reading and sometimes i have to repeat the sentence just to make sense of it again. And from what ive read there is no known cure for dyslexics . I would hate to live with this condition for the rest of my life.

Wow! There I was thinking I'm not concentrating enough. It happens almost everyday! Every single day :( and I go like how the fuck can I mis read a simple word! It really pulls me down.


Adding to that, there are many a times that I think of something and then write something else. Again, till now I have blamed it on "my lack of concentration or attention"

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  • 10 months later...



But then again, I never got any diagnosis.


Except that I presume I suffer from the illness we all "suffer" from. Life and it's impacts.


peace n'cheese 




Aactually. A years time later mainly because I needed welfare to help me pay the rent while I worked on getting my sole proprietorship company up&running, I was sent to a psychologist who after hours and weeks/montths of questions and conversations, diagnosed me of having schizofrenia. Congratulations to my self. I think I deserve a straw hat. 



If it's ok, im gonna post a track with much respect for the music at hand, and a quote from own; "Dont read too much into shit, or you might miss out on the good shit"





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Comparing myself with diangostized people I meet, I have clearly Attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity, but when I was a child in my country this wasn't a thing so I was lucky I never had to took drugs to "treat it".


With all due respects to people that feels it as a problem, for me this is just a part of me. It's a shit when it doesn't allow me to finish things or be as perseverant as I want to be with my goals, but in the other hand I'm a very creative person thanks to this part of me.

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Never officially diagnosed. I was called mentally ill, because of the kind of music I listen to, probably because it's not the kind of music that's normal to "them". W/e. Psy&goa amplifies my emotions. When I feel happy, listening to psy makes me happier. Feeling down, trance will take me further down etc. I've given up all drugs, tobacco and alcohol, but I kept psy :)


Am I somehow at fault for listening to Koxbox - Tribal oscillation almost every day and there's no sign of ever getting tired of hearing it. Then there's the whole Dragon tales album OHH and 90s Talamasca ..good god, I AM SICK!!!

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